Without You There Is No Reason For My Story
by Kitkat052692
Summary: Summary inside...rated T to be safe
1. Summary

**Without You There Is No Reason For My Story**

**After a fight, Clare leaves Eli, who rushes to find her. Only to get into a serious car crash. He has limited mobility, serve trauma and oh yeah he has no memory of his time at Degrassi. To him he is a sophomore and dating Julia Johnson. Clare decides not to tell him that they are dating and also she is gonna nurse Eli back to health. Can Eli remember his friendship and possibly his feelings for Clare? How can Clare deal with a Eli who is still in love with Julia? Summary might be bad.. hope the story is better. First part up soon. Inspired by The Song: You and I By: Anarbor**


	2. Breathe Me

"You suck you know that?" Clare looked at Eli with a disgusted look. They were on a double date with Adam and Fiona, when Eli said something that was stupid.

"Come on Clare. It was just a joke." Eli said

"Nice one." Adam laughed

"Shut up." Eli growled at him. He ran out after her "Come on, I am sorry." he told her

"Whatever leave me alone." she snapped and walked away. Eli decided to give her a little space. He looked at his watch. 3 minutes seemed like enough space. He hopped in his car and followed her. She was walking past some traffic. Eli didn't see a bright light of a car headlights. His eyes widened in horror as he black out. Hearing faint car horns.

Clare wanted to wake up. Or turn the channel on this bad horror movie. But it was real. He was really hit. She watched as his car was pushed across three lanes. She screamed and tears began to fall. She was too shaken to dial but thankfully someone else did. She was frozen. Unable to move her body, unable to breathe. When they pulled Eli out of the car she was almost too bloody to recognize. She couldn't look at him. And even if she could recognize him, her eyes were too blurry from her tears. Clare didn't even remember going to the hospital. All she remembered was sitting in the waiting room.

"I can't believe it." Clare said. "I am so stupid. Why did I get so upset? Why didn't I stay?" she was trying not to cry, but she couldn't help it. She was sitting with Alli who had her arm around her.

"It will be fine. Just breathe ok? I am sure we will hear something soon." Alli hugged her hard. Clare was shaking so hard she couldn't breathe. They waited for 3 hours until Eli's mom came out

"Well?" Clare asked braced herself for the worst

"He has serve trauma and he maybe out for a few days. But the doctors said he is lucky to be alive." her eyes were misty. Clare breathed a sigh of relief. Alli smiled a comforting smile and hugged Clare

"Can I see him?" Clare asked whipping her eyes

"Tomorrow. Go home, get some sleep." she told her

"I need to see him." Clare let out. It wasn't a cry or really any noise.

"I know. But please get some sleep." she asked

"Ok." she didn't really want to go to Eli's house without him.

"Why don't you stay at mu house tonight? Sav can bring us here tomorrow morning." Alli told her

"Frist thing?"

"Of course." she hugged her best friend.

…...

As soon as they let her into the room Clare was there. She sat in a chair and stared at the unconscious Eli. After about 2 hours, Adam walked in.

"Wow your hear early." Adam said

"And your point?" Clare glared

"Sorry, its just." Adam could see Clare was on the verge of tears who hadn't taken her eyes off of Eli. "You know this isn't healthy."

"What?" Clare asked

"Starring at him. It's like a bad episode of Grey's Anatomy." he joked

"I keep waiting. Waiting for him to wake up and say..'Just kidding'." Clare smiled but there was sadness in her smile

"I know. Its weird." he put his hand on her shoulder. "But he will pull through. He is a trooper." Adam told her

"I know." Clare smiled, a little happier.

"I am gonna go to the cafe and get a coffee. You want to come?" Adam asked

"No thanks." Clare told him.

"Kay. See you soon." Adam felt bad. But what could he do?

…...

"Clare when did you get here?" Eli's mom asked the next morning.

"Oh wow. I guess I never left." she said "Must have fallen asleep."

"Oh Clare." she hugged sitting Clare. "If he wakes up the doctor's will call."

"I know. I guess I want to be here when he does." Clare admitted

"I get it." she smiled. "You hungry? I am about to get some food?"  
"No thanks."

"You should really eat." his mom told her

"I can't."  
"Fine. Be right back." she told Clare. Once she was alone she looked at Eli

"I feel so stupid. But I always wondered. Can you hear me? If so I am so sorry Eli. It was a stupid joke, I shouldn't have gotten so upset. Maybe if I had stayed, you know," she shook her head "I feel like one of those stupid people on of those soap operas. But if you can hear me. I am so sorry. 3 Please wake up. Please." she said grabbing his hand and kisses it. _I love you_. She added silently. Eli's mom smiled in the doorway.

…...

"Ok I am here to get you out of here." Alli said "Eli's mom said you have been in here for days." Alli grabbed Clare

"No Alli I am not leaving the hospital." Clare told her

"Fine. But we are going to the cafeteria and there is nothing you can do about it." Alli grabbed Clare again

"What if he wakes up?" Clare asked

"Adam is here." Alli told her "Besides we are just going to get food and hen come back. 20 minutes tops."

"Fine." Clare said and headed for the elevators.

…...

It was about an hour after Clare left that Eli shot up.

"Doctor." his mom shouted. They took the breathing tube out at tried to calm him down

"Welcome back dude." Adam said. After a second, they took the oxygen off his mouth

"I don't know you." he said in a confused voice.

"Come Eli very funny." but Adam was scared

"Who are you?"  
"Eli can Its April 13th 2009."

"Oh my god." His mom turned around and began to walk out

"What?" Adam asked following her

"That is the day before Julia died last year."

"You mean.."  
"He still thinks he is a sophomore at Bardelle and Julia is alive."

"Wait if he thinks its last year and doesn't remember me..." Adam's eyes widened "I gotta call Clare."  
…...

They were sitting in silence.

"So, how are you?" Alli asked

"My boyfriend is in a coma, what do you think?"  
"Sorry." Alli told her

"I know. Truth I am way passed upset. I have cried so much I can't cry anymore."

"But he will wake up."  
"I know, I just want to talk to him, I miss his voice. I miss his sideways smile and his crusty green eyes." Clare said "I miss him."

"You haven't lost him." Alli put her hand on top of Clare's

"Thanks." then Clare's phone rang "Yeah? Slow down Adam. Ok. Are you serious? How bad? Ok fine we are coming." she hung up "That was Adam and Eli is awake, but there is a problem."

"Come on." Alli got up.

…...

"What is it?" Clare asked frantic

"He is awake," Adam started with

"Ok?"

"But he doesn't recognize me. And he thinks its April 2009." Adam told her

"Wait, if he doesn't know you.." she stopped breathing

"There is no way he will now you." All said

"That isn't all." Adam looked down

"What?"  
"He still thinks Julia is alive."

…...


	3. Where I Stood

From Breathe Me

"_What is it?" Clare asked frantic_

_ "He is awake," Adam started with _

_ "Ok?"_

_ "But he doesn't recognize me. And he thinks its April 2009." Adam told her _

_ "Wait, if he doesn't know you.." she stopped breathing_

_ "There is no way he will now you." All said _

_ "That isn't all." Adam looked down_

_ "What?"  
"He still thinks Julia is alive."_

Clare let that sink in.

"Can I see him?" Clare asked

"Well, the doctors don't think that is a good idea. " his mom said

"Why?"

"They don't want him under stress right now."

"I don't understand." Clare said

"If he sees you, he will try and remember. That will put him under stress." she explained.

"So what, I am supposed to just walk away?" Clare asked "No. I can't. I wont do that. I know him. He would want to see him."

"Maybe, but this Eli doesn't know you." Eli's dad

"Then I need to see him, for me. Please."

"You can see him. In a dew days. He just about lost it when we told him Julia was dead." his dad told her. "You should get home. Have a real night's sleep."

"If I can." Clare told them. Clare went for a walk. She didn't really have a destination, she just let her legs lead her. So the last 10 months were a blur to Eli. Her Eli and this person in the bed were two different people. He did not remember his feelings for her. And the saddest part is that Clare remembered her feelings for Eli full well. She loved him, and to him she was a stranger. She sat down on the park bench that they went that time they skipped class. They didn't do much but they had fun just hanging out. She maybe a stranger but then again she met him a stranger. They had gradually gotten to know each other. As friends first. She smiled. She walked so fast to Eli's house and told his parents her plan.

"Are you sure?" his mom asked "Wont that be kinda hard?"  
"Not really. I will introduce myself as his friend, not his girlfriend. And then if I can slowly help him remember, then great."

"Well I guess it couldn't hurt." his dad said

"So you will help me?"

"Of course." his mom smiled and hugged Clare.

Yes Clare would be his friend and help him remember. Remember their friendship and yes their relationship. After all, if just being her friend had gotten him to fall for her it would happen again. Right?


	4. Baby Blue Eyes

From Where I Stood

_ "Are you sure?" his mom asked "Wont that be kinda hard?"  
"Not really. I will introduce myself as his friend, not his girlfriend. And then if I can slowly help him remember, then great."_

_ "Well I guess it couldn't hurt." his dad said _

_ "So you will help me?"_

_ "Of course." his mom smiled and hugged Clare._

_Yes Clare would be his friend and help him remember. Remember their friendship and yes their relationship. After all, if just being her friend had gotten him to fall for her it would happen again. Right?_

It was 2 days before Clare could go into his room again. And when she did she just stood in the door at starred at him. At first he didn't notice her. A nurse was placing an IV in his arm. Then he did. He was taken back. _It was now or never._ Clare thought

"Hi." she was surprised her voice could work that much.

"Hi." he was confused "Um do I know you?" he asked

"Yes. I am Clare Edwards I am your gir.." but she stopped herself "I am your English partner."

correcting herself.

"We are friends?" he asked

"Yeah. We are. Good friends." Clare told him.

"Good. All I have been seeing is nurses and doctors." he smiled. "I am sorry I don't remember you, but please come in."

"Thanks." Clare came into the room.

"So we met at.."  
"Degrassi?" he nodded "Yeah."

"So you didn't um know um.." she knew what he was about to say

"No Eli I didn't know Julia." he looked down

"I just wish I could remember what happened to her. I know what my mom told me but you.." he was trying to get his words out.

"I know."

"I miss her." he admitted. Clare felt her heart break a little.

"I know." she said again.

"So tell me about yourself." he asked

"There isn't much to tell about me."

"Sure there is. Just act like I don't know you, cause I kinda don't." for some reason that made Clare smile. There was something sweet and familiar about Clare. Maybe he did know her Eli thought

"Well I'm a writer.." and her whole life story just flew out of her. She told him about her freshman year of high school, she told him about Jenna and KC and her hurt over that. She even told him about Declan and the fortnight fiction. 2 hours they spent talking

"You kissed some guys neck?" Eli asked in his teasing voice

"Yes. Trust me I have already died of embarrassment."  
"I would have thought you would have put it behind you. You know; forget it" he said

"Things we remember." she smiled

"I wish I could remember." he said "Its just so frustrating." Clare noticed his hear monitor beginning to go faster

"Eli you have to calm down." she said

"But you don't get it. I want to remember, I need to." he was hyper ventilating.

"Eli please. You need to calm down. You will remember." she told him

"What if I don't?" he said "What if I can't?" He asked Clare put her hand on his and one hand on his face and she turned him to face her. Eli had never seen such crystal blue eyes before

"You will. Want to know why?" he shook his head "Because I believe in you." she told him. And as if by magic his anxiety melted. Clare's eyes were like the ocean. He felt like he was swimming in the ocean when he looked into them.

"You have pretty eyes." he told her, but he felt the strangest sense of De Ja Vu. And for some reason he saw himself picking up a broken pair of glasses, and handing them to her

"Thanks." Clare was so taken back by that she almost cried

"Ok we need another x-ray." the nurse said

"Ok I will go." Clare said snapping out of her daze. She began to walk to the door

"Wait." Eli said and Clare whipped her head around and again Eli saw her doing the same thing in a classroom. He was following her somewhere. "You'll come back right?"

"Sure. When your done."

"He will be back in a ½ hour."

"Ok see you then." she smiled and left

All the way to x-ray Eli's mind was preoccupied. His mind wondered to Clare. She was really cute. No she was cute. She was pretty. And smart. And really funny. This was the first time since he found out Julia died that he felt happy. It felt right. Spending that time with Clare. Something was so familiar about it and Eli liked it. Maybe that was wrong. But one thing was sure. He couldn't wait to see Clare Edwards again.


	5. Light A Way

From Baby Blue Eyes

_All the way to x-ray Eli's mind was preoccupied. His mind wondered to Clare. She was really cute. No she was cute. She was pretty. And smart. And really funny. This was the first time since he found out Julia died that he felt happy. It felt right. Spending that time with Clare. Something was so familiar about it and Eli liked it. Maybe that was wrong. But one thing was sure. He couldn't wait to see Clare Edwards again._

It took only a few days for Eli and Clare to get into a routine. Visiting hours were at 10 am and went until 8 pm. Clare would be there 10:05 and stay as late as she could until the nurse kicked her out. They were on break from school so Clare didn't mind. One day Clare had an appointment and came at 12:30 instead of 10 and Eli felt he was gonna loose it.

"Sorry I am late." she said "I had to go to the doctors." she sat down. She was cute all flustered Eli smiled. He was always doing that whenever she was around

"Why do you need to go to the doctors? You spend all your time here in a hospital" Eli joked

"Well if you feel like that then I can leave." she started to get up

"No stay." he said

"That is what I thought." she sat back. "So how are you feeling?" she asked

"Better." he smiled at her,

"Good." she smiled at him "You eat anything?"  
"No. the hospital food sucks." he told her

"I'll bet." once the nurse left she pulled out a candy bar "I brought you something."

"Reese?" he asked

"Yup. Your favorite." she smiled and handed it to him

"Thanks." he ate one and looked at her "You want the other one?"  
"No that's ok." she smiled. Eli really liked it

"So what to do?"

"I brought the last season of Dexter that you missed." Eli looked up

"Really?" she handed him the DVD "Are you gonna watch?"

"Um no. a psych kill who kills other psycho killers? No thanks." she joked  
"Sorry it ain't no Twilight." then she looked at him wired "What?"  
"I just don't remember telling you that I love Twilight. I know I told you about fortnight but I never said I still loved it."

"I guess.." he looked up "I guess I remembered."

"Guess so." Clare couldn't explain why she was so happy. "Listen I am gonna see if we can get a DVD player so you can watch it." she ran out of the room and called Alli and told her what happen

"That's great Clare.. but don't get too excited."

"No don't you see? He is slowly remembering. You know what this means?"  
"No."

"He might remember who I am soon."  
"Clare I hate to be a kill joy but hun." Alli began "That could be months. I just don't want you get hurt"  
"I wont. Look I gotta go."

"Ok bye."

Clare knew Alli was right. Maybe he wouldn't remember or maybe he will Clare couldn't be sure. But today she knew she wouldn't give up hope.


	6. That Girl

From Light A Way

"_No don't you see? He is slowly remembering. You know what this means?"  
"No."_

_ "He might remember who I am soon."  
"Clare I hate to be a kill joy but hun." Alli began "That could be months. I just don't want you get hurt"  
"I wont. Look I gotta go."_

_ "Ok bye." _

_Clare knew Alli was right. Maybe he wouldn't remember or maybe he will Clare couldn't be sure. But today she knew she wouldn't give up hope. _

"Come on, Mr. Goldsworthy." Clare said as he sat down his comic book

"Where am I going?" he asked

"We are going out for a walk. The Doctor said it was ok. They have a little garden."  
"I don't know.." he said

"No. You are getting some fresh air." Clare grabbed a wheelchair. "

"But I don't.."

"No buts!" Clare ordered she laughed "It'll be fun."

"Just like a little urban adventure." he said and then pictured a little abandoned church

"Yup." Clare was giddier than normal "We used to do this all time." she wheeled him out of the room

"Do what?"

"Just take off for an afternoon and hang out. No one just us." she explained. Eli liked that he had spent so much alone time with Clare. But there was still something he had to know. They wheeled over to the grassy area and Clare helped him out of the wheelchair and sat him down on the blanket she had pre-set up.

"Thanks." Eli said looking at her. "Do you realize that over the last 3 weeks we have hung out everyday and talked about a lot," he then looked at her sideways "But you never mention your boyfriend." Clare shot up

"What makes you think I have a boyfriend?" Clare asked shyly

"Come on, a pretty girl like you? Sure some guy has snatched you up." he joked

"Yeah I do, well did.." Clare was confused "Its a very complex situation."  
"Do you love him?"  
"Yes, more than anything." Clare admitted  
"Then what's the problem?"  
"Its not me its him.." How do I explain this without telling him the truth? Clare asked herself "He doesn't know where we stand."

"Well he is an idiot and you could do better." Eli told her and Clare had to laugh

"You really think my boyfriend is an idiot?"  
"Of course. Your a pretty awesome person. I mean if you were my girlfriend, I would be proud to be with you." Eli felt like an idiot. Clare probably like someone big hotshot and not him. But wait did he like her?

"Thanks." Clare said and Eli looked away shyly. Then he looked back at her. The way the sun hit her honey brown hair, made it look like she had a halo. Eli tried to catch his breath. He looked into Clare's eyes again. He felt a pain in his stomach. It was familiar and he hated it but he also hated not feeling like this, it was something Eli was unsure about. Clare pulled out a notebook and began to write.

"What do you write?" Eli asked

"Just stuff. Mostly just my most inner thoughts. Or short stories." Clare admitted "Its like my own personal escape. Just me," but before she could finish Eli cut her off

"And your thoughts." it was as if she was looking right through him. That is why he wrote.

"Yeah." Clare smiled "Not many know this but I am gonna write the next great novel."  
"I believe it." Being as truthful as he had ever been "Why don't tell people?"  
"Cause the minute they know I am a writer they want to read my stuff. But I can't. I mean you are the only person I ever let read my stuff,"

"Really?" Eli smiled a big goofy grin "I feel honored."

"You should,"

"But why?"  
"Its feels like I am exposing myself. And I am not ready."

"I understand. I feel that way when I write."  
"I guess we have more in common then you thought." Clare teased

"Your right." he liked this, just some quiet time with Clare. This felt so right so natural. As this was the way its was meant to be. After another half hour the nurse came out to get them. Once inside Adam was waiting for them

"Hey you two." Adam smiled

"Hey" Clare smiled "Look I gotta to call my mom." and she disappeared. Once the nurse had left the room Adam asked

"How you feeling?"  
"Pretty good."  
"Got you the issue of the Goon."  
"Thanks man." Eli smiled "Hey listen, we are close right?"

"Yeah." Adam assured him

"Can I ask you something?"  
"Um sure?"  
"Am I into Clare?"

"What?" Adam was confused by what he meant

"I mean pre accident. Did I like her?"  
"Why do you ask?" Adam was shocked

"Cause there is something about her. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I am telling you there is something about that I can't get enough of."

"All I am gonna say is that you two are extremely close, and you care about her a lot."

"So we aren't like dating?" Eli felt disappointed

` "I am not gonna say anymore." Adam wanted him to remember on his own

"Thanks, you are so much help."  
"Hi honey." Eli's mom Ce Ce walked in "Oh hi Adam," she smiled "Can I have a moment alone with Eli?"

"Sure. I am gonna see what's up with Clare." he walked away.

…...

Clare was at the vending machine. She placed a dollar in the machine and pressed the letter combo she wanted, but it didn't come out. She hit the side twice and kicked it. Then the candy bar fell out

"That is when you know you have been here too long." Adam said

"What?"  
"When you can figure out the vending machine." he sat on the bench and Clare joined him

"You think I have been here too long?"  
"Honestly?" and Clare shook her head "Yes,"  
"God Adam." Clare she put her hands through her hair "What am I doing here?"  
"Helping Eli remember."

"I just feel like I am wasting my time. Part of me feels like he wont ever remember me, then its like the Eli, my Eli comes out and gives me hope."  
"Whatever you do don't give up."  
"Why?"  
"If you give up, then all hope is really lost. And Eli wouldn't give up, if the roles were reversed." he smiled and put his arm around her "Don't worry. Everything will work out."

"Thanks Adam. I don't know what I would do without you."  
"Well you have been there for me and I want to return the favor."

"You rock." and they hugged. Clare felt better her talk with Adam. Maybe Adam was right. Eli had stuck by her through a lot. Maybe she should stick by him. No she would stick by him. 


	7. 18th Floor Balcony

From "That Girl"

_ "Am I into Clare?"_

_ "What?" Adam was confused by what he meant_

_ "I mean pre accident. Did I like her?"  
"Why do you ask?" Adam was shocked _

_ "Cause there is something about her. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I am telling you there is something about that I can't get enough of."_

_ "All I am gonna say is that you two are extremely close, and you care about her a lot."_

_ "So we aren't like dating?" Eli felt disappointed_

_` "I am not gonna say anymore." _

"_I just feel like I am wasting my time. Part of me feels like he wont ever remember me, then its like the Eli, my Eli comes out and gives me hope."  
"Whatever you do don't give up."  
"Why?"  
"If you give up, then all hope is really lost. And Eli wouldn't give up, if the roles were reversed_

"Listen Eli, I haven't been honest with you. The truth is we are dating. We are in love. I love you more than anything. I know you don't remember who am I but I know the Eli I know is inside of you and I know some where you still love me too." Clare was at the door of Eli's room. The door was closed. Clare was talking to herself. She needed to tell Eli the truth. Clare hated lying to him. True it wasn't really lying, but it felt like to Clare. Before she knocked on the door she heard a booming

"Here she is." she turned around to find her mom with CeCe Goldsworthy.

"Hey Mom, I was just gonna pop in and say hi to Eli."

"He is getting some test done." CeCe told Clare but Clare's eyes were on her mother

"Hi sweetheart." her mother looked at her

"Hi Mom." they barely talked anymore. Ever since the divorce was announced, Helen and Clare Edwards became like strangers.

"I have something for you." she pulled out a letter. It was closed "We need to talk." Clare nodded and followed her mother to the cafeteria. They both got coffee and Clare's mom bought her a chocolate chip muffin. "How are you sweetie? I mean I know we haven't talked about it much but I was just curious how Eli was doing?"  
"Why do you care? You hate Eli. You would be happy if he had died."

"That is not true." Her mom looked sad "I know I never gave Eli much thought before. I guess I figured this was just a fling. But I guess these last few weeks you have proven that you love him. You really love him." her mom put her hand on top of her daughter.

"I do."she smiled at her mom "I don't know. Some days its like the Eli I know is there and sometimes it feels like her will never remember."

"Well I thought you could use some good news." she handed her a letter. Clare read the envelop.

It was from a foreign exchange program in France. Paris to be exact. Clare ripped open the enevlop. She got in. no surprise there. She had the grades and Eli has helped her with her essay. 2 months ago Clare would have screamed with joy. Eli probably would have something cheesy like "I knew you would get it, I mean how could not with the worlds best editor" and she would hit him and they would laugh. Probably would have gone out that night to celebrate. But Clare couldn't force herself to be happy.

"I got in."

"That's great sweetheart" her mom smiled

"I am not going" Clare told her mom

"What?"  
"Eli needs me now."

"I know you are holding on to some hope he will remember but I talked to his mom. The doctors don't know if he will ever recover."

"So?" Clare snapped

"I just don't think you should give up your dreams for something that is pretty much a lost cause."

"I want to." Clare said "I do love him Mom. I know that he will one day remember me. He has to."

"Just think about it. You have a few days before you have to tell them your answer."

"I better go and see if he is out." Clare got up. "See you at home Mom." she kissed her mom's cheek

"Don't forget what I said," she smiled and left. Clare sighed. She knew what she had to do. Eli was her everything. She wasn't compromising her future or dreams for him. She was her future. She knocked on the door

"Hey sunshine." Eli smiled.

"Hey what's up?" Clare couldn't help but smile too.

"Well I have to stay up all night" he stated

"Why?"

"His test were a little off and the doctors want to be sure there is nothing wrong." his mom responded.

"So he has to stay up all night?"  
"They just want to make sure everything is fine." his mom told her, then she left the room

"Well then I guess I will stay up with you all night." Clare told him

"Really?" Eli was both glad and shocked.

"Yup. It's what friends do." they sat there is silence for a while. It was a long day. Adam and Fiona came for a while and then Alli stopped by. More for Clare than Eli, but it was still appreciated. It was around 10 o'clock when everyone left. Eli's was sitting up in his bed. Just then Clare got this idea. She moved Eli's bed over to the window. So he could watch the stars.

"Thanks Edwards." he smiled.

"No problemo." she sat back down.

"You know you can sit on the bed with me, I wont bite." Eli told Clare, trying not to show how much he really wanted her to join him his bed.

"Ok." she sat on it. Then after a few moments Clare just leaned back into Eli. He could smell her shampoo. It was smelled of vanilla and waterfalls. Eli couldn't help but smile. This felt so right and natural. As if Clare belonged there. In his arms. "Look a shooting star." Clare said

"Make a wish."

"If I say it out loud it wont come true." Clare knew this was de ja vu, but she didn't care. "You make one."

"I can't."

"Why?" Clare wanted to know

"All my wishes have come true," he said it underneath his breath but Clare close enough to hear. Clare didn't press on. She let it go. They spent the whole night talking. As they had done so many nights before.

…...

It was about 8 the next morning when Eli realized Clare had fallen asleep. She was so peaceful. Eli felt like he was in a cheesy movie, just watching her sleep. He didn't want to wake up, but he realized he was cold. He realized Clare had taken the covers. He tried to grab them but Clare woke up

"Oh my god. I am so sorry." Clare said "Here I was supposed to keep you awake and I fall asleep." she laughed and jumped out of the bed and Eli helped her move the bed back.

"Its fine." Eli assured her as he got back into bed. His pillow fell off the bed. Clare began to walk away

"Eli I need to tell you something," Clare was gonna do it, she was gonna come clean

"What is it?" Eli smiled his side ways smirk "I just wanted to say thanks for being here."

"You and I are.." dating, just say it Clare

"What?" Eli prepared for the worst

"Will always be there for each other." Yes she had chickened out.

"I am glad." he sighed

"listen I am gonna go home and shower. Can I get you anything?"  
"No my pillow fell, but I will call a nurse."

"No I got it." Clare picked it up and Eli leaned forward. He sat back and Clare's hand got stuck "Eli my hand is stuck" she laughed

"Oh sorry." but he didn't move. Instead he let himself get lost in her eyes again. This time he leaned upward to her lips. Clare heart was beating so loud she thought she would deaf. The moments their lips touched tears streamed down Clare's face. It had felt like an eternity since they had kissed last. She wanted to stay here forever. Screw air. I don't need it. Flashes, that is all what came into his mind. He remember kissing her in the park, the library, at the Dot, in his room. He remembered hold her as she cried and her holding him when he thought all hope was lost. Of course he remembered her. She was Clare Edwards, his Clare. Eli had never felt like such an idiot. He just kept on kissing her. Nothing could ruin this moment. As they pulled away a nurse came in

"Time for morning meds." Clare looked at her

"Yeah I gotta go." she walked out. No way he didn't feel anything. Either he had remembered something about her or he had just fallen for her all over again. Clare left feeling giddy. Finally.

Eli had never shared a kiss with someone so intense with anyone, not like he had kissed Clare. He did loved her. He would always love her. He couldn't wait to tell her


	8. Cut

_From 18th Floor Balcony _

"_Well I thought you could use some good news." Helen handed her a letter. Clare read the envelop._

_It was from a foreign exchange program in France. Paris to be exact. Clare ripped open the envelop. She got in. no surprise there. She had the grades and Eli has helped her with her essay. 2 months ago Clare would have screamed with joy. Eli probably would have something cheesy like "I knew you would get it, I mean how could not with the worlds best editor" and she would hit him and they would laugh. Probably would have gone out that night to celebrate. But Clare couldn't force herself to be happy._

_ "I got in." _

_ "That's great sweetheart" her mom smiled_

_ "I am not going" Clare told her mom_

_ "What?"  
"Eli needs me now."_

_Clare picked up the pillow and Eli leaned forward. He sat back and Clare's hand got stuck "Eli my hand is stuck" she laughed _

_ "Oh sorry." but he didn't move. Instead he let himself get lost in her eyes again. This time he leaned upward to her lips. Clare heart was beating so loud she thought she would deaf. The moments their lips touched tears streamed down Clare's face. It had felt like an eternity since they had kissed last. She wanted to stay here forever. Screw air. I don't need it. Flashes, that is all what came into his mind. He remember kissing her in the park, the library, at the Dot, in his room. He remembered hold her as she cried and her holding him when he thought all hope was lost. Of course he remembered her. She was Clare Edwards, his Clare. Eli had never felt like such an idiot. He just kept on kissing her. Nothing could ruin this moment. As they pulled away a nurse came in_

_ "Time for morning meds." Clare looked at her _

_ "Yeah I gotta go." she walked out. No way he didn't feel anything. Either he had remembered something about her or he had just fallen for her all over again. Clare left feeling giddy. Finally._

_ Eli had never shared a kiss with someone so intense with anyone, not like he had kissed Clare. He did loved her. He would always love her. He couldn't wait to tell her _

Clare arrived at the hospital the next morning with the intent on telling him the truth. As she parked her mom's car she saw her dad.

"Dad what are you doing?"

"We need to talk."

"About what?"

"Your mom told me you got the internship." he smiled a proud father smile. "Congratulations. I knew you would get it." he hugged her.

"I am not going." Clare told him

"She said that too. Why not?"  
"Cause," they climbed onto the elevator. She pressed the floor number

"Cause of Eli?"

"Yes."

"Clare bear," he started

"No Dad listen to me. Eli knows who I am. I am sure of it. He never left me when I needed him, and I couldn't do that. Maybe he isn't a hundred percent, but he is still knows." Randell Edwards looked at his daughter. Clare looked at more peace than she had in a while. And he didn't even bother to argue. Once they arrived outside Eli's room. He said

"Well I am not gonna argue. I just want you to be happy, and if giving up this internship is what you want, I support you." he smiled.

"Thanks Dad." she hugged her dad "I love you."

"I love you too Clare bear." he let her go. And Clare took a deep breath. She walked in

"Eli we need to talk."

"Ok." he said

"I lied to you. I am not just your English partner." she said "Nor just your friend." she took a deep breath again

"Oh." Eli said

"I am your girlfriend. We have been dating for almost 6 months. We started off as friends but it became more. You helped me cope with my parents divorce and I helped you cope with Julia's death. Over time we fell in love. When you didn't remember me I decided not to tell you. I guess I was a coward. I felt you wouldn't have believed me. Mainly because you were still coping with Julia's death. But mainly I was scared that if you still loved her you wouldn't believe that you loved me." she said "But I can't lie to you any more. Not after we kissed yesterday. Now I know you may not remember me totally or at all, but you can't honestly tell me that you felt nothing yesterday." Clare said. Eli stared blankly at her and said the hardest thing he ever had to say

"I am sorry I didn't feel anything." Clare felt as if someone had punched her repeatedly in the gut.

"What?"  
"I am sorry but I didn't." Clare was about to cry

"So you didn't feel anything? At all?" Clare then thought, if he didn't feel anything then "So our whole relationship has been a lie?" she didn't want to believe it

"Yes. I am sorry."

"But you love me, I know you do." Clare was trying not to cry. "Please Eli, I love you."

"I am sorry but I don't. I love Julia." he looked down

"Fine. I get it. I am sorry for intruding in your life." she took out her cartilage piercing, they both had gotten on their first date "I wont bother you any more." and she walked out, not fight back tears. She let them fall. She cried loud. She didn't care that people were starring at her. She ran out to her mom car and cried. She felt like she had just died in side. Everything they ever shared was a lie. Once again she had fallen for a guy who was using her as a second best. She looked over at the letter on the floor. It was from the internship. She had to leave. Paris was the farthest place she could go. She picked it up and grabbed her cell.

"Yes I would like to talk to the the Director of Admission? Thanks." she sighed "Yes hi this is Clare Edwards. I received a letter saying I was accepted. I would like to say that I am still interested." she did it. If Eli did not love her than she would leave him. Even though she didn't want to, she knew she needed too.

…...

3 days later Clare got on a plane for a 6 month internship. She arrived with her host family and put Eli in the back of her mind. It would be the only way she could survive the next 6 months.

…...

"You stupid dick!" Adam shouted at Eli that same day

"What?"

"You dick! You know what I am talking about."

"I don't." Eli said playing dumb

"I just watch Clare get on a plane for Pairs. Pretty much crying. Not because she is gonna miss me or anything, but because of you. How could you?" he was pissed

"I just.."

"You just what? I am sorry your my friend but so is Clare. And she has been there for you this whole time and you hurt her? Oh hell no."

"Shut up Adam I know."

"I know you lied to her. I know."

"I know I lied."

"What I can't figure out is why you would lie."

"Because..."

"Because why?"

"You know I don't have to justify my self to you." he knew that made him sound even more of an ass

"Oh you are so lucky you are in a hospital room." Adam said "Just tell me why."

"Fine. Because I didn't want her to give up her dreams for me."

"You mean the whole Pairs thing?"

"Yes. Adam you didn't see her face when she found she had been nominated. Or how excited she was when he was in the top 5. I couldn't ask her to give that up."

"You dumb ass. She wanted to. She wanted to be with you."

"I couldn't live with my self knowing she gave up something she wanted."  
"Why not just tell her to go?"  
"You know her. She wouldn't have."

"Yeah." Adam nodded.

"But now I have to deal with her hating me for all eternity and I have to live with the image of her leaving here crying." he looked down "All because of me."  
"I am sorry." Adam said

"The thing is, I know she will eventually be ok. She is strong. But I know I will never be ok."

"Why?"  
"Cause I love her more than anything."  
"Well what are you waiting for." Adam said with mischief in his eyes "Get better and get the girl back." Eli smiled. He knew Clare may not forgive him but he owed her the truth. He was gonna make sure he gave it to her.


	9. Only One

_From Cut_

"_I am sorry I didn't feel anything." Clare felt as if someone had punched her repeatedly in the gut. _

_ "What?"  
"I am sorry but I didn't." Clare was about to cry_

_ "So you didn't feel anything? At all?" Clare then thought, if he didn't feel anything then "So our whole relationship has been a lie?" she didn't want to believe it_

_ "Yes. I am sorry."_

_ "But you love me, I know you do." Clare was trying not to cry. "Please Eli, I love you."_

_ "I am sorry but I don't. I love Julia." he looked down _

"_Cause I love her more than anything."  
"Well what are you waiting for." Adam said with mischief in his eyes "Get better and get the girl back." Eli smiled. He knew Clare may not forgive him but he owed her the truth. He was gonna make sure he gave it to her. _

6 months had gone by pretty fast. Clare barley kept contact with anyone back home. It was too painful to be reminded of the life she had left behind. She spent most of her time frustrated in the park writing. Pairs was beautiful and all but Clare couldn't bring her self to be truly happy. She missed Eli even he didn't remember her. She needed him. She hated that feeling. The way he got her all twisted up inside.

"Come on Clare." Bonnie said "We have to get home."

"Fine. I am coming." Clare smiled. Bonnie was the girl she was staying with. And the only thing keeping her sane in Paris. She was tall blonde and a total sweetheart.

"You still writing?"  
"Its the only thing that is keeping me from loosing my mind." Clare said getting up "Today would be our 1 year anniversary."

"Oh sorry. Well don't worry, cause we have a massive goodbye party for you." Bonnie grabbed Clare's hand to help her up

"You know you don't have to." Clare told her

"I know. I want to." Bonnie put her arm around Clare "I am just gonna miss you so much" She hugged Clare"

"I am gonna miss you too. You will have to come to Toronto."

"Sounds like a plan." they were walking home. Once they arrived they saw a boy standing on the front steps. He wasn't very tall but he was very good looking. Clare almost passed out upon seeing the boy

"Hi." was all he said

"Hello." he was dressed in all black and had long shaggy hair. But most of all Clare noticed his green eyes.

"Wow you two don't say much." Bonnie said "Well if I start the introductions can I meet this guy?" she smiled "I am Bonnie" she held her out to the boy

"Right Bonnie this is Eli. Someone I knew back in Toronto." she said looking sad as she said "Eli this is Bonnie."

"Wow its nice to finally to meet someone from Clare's past. She doesn't talk about it much. Well except for this ex who hurt her." Bonnie

"Bonnie!" Clare said

"What?"

"Never mind." Clare was horrified

"Well you shouldn't have just waited until till tomorrow." Bonnie said "Clare is leaving tomorrow."

"Yeah I just wanted to see her before she came home." Eli said

"Well why don't you come back at about 8 ish. We are having a big party to say goodbye to Clare."

"Sounds great."

"Where are you staying?" Bonnie went on to ask, while Clare kept quiet

"With friends of our."

"Who?" Clare finally spoke

"Fiona and Adam came with me." Eli hadn't taken his eyes off of Clare and Bonnie noticed

"Well invite them too. More the merrier."

"Well that is if Clare wants us there."

"Of course she does. Right Clare?" Bonnie asked

"Sure." Clare said

"Ok see you then." Eli said and before he left "You look really good Clare."

"You too. Back on your feet."

"Yeah." and he smiled his signature side ways smile, and walked away.

"Ok who the hell was that?" Bonnie asked as they went inside and headed to their room

"No one."

"Oh come there is a story there."

"Fine, you know my ex, the one who got in the accident?"

"Yeah."

"That was him."  
"OH My God!" Bonnie exclaimed once they went up to there room "No wonder you were head over heals for him. He is hot!"

"Bonnie!" Clare said

"Oh trust me. He isn't my type." Bonnie assured her. "i thought he said your whole relationship was a lie."

"He did."

"I wonder why he is here."

"I don't know and I don't care."

"Oh lie. Your words say you don't care but your eyes are screaming. You still love him."

"Whatever. The only thing Elijah Goldsworthy brings is heart break."

"Say what you will, you still love him and he loves you. I can tell."

"You are just crazy." Clare said even though part of her wished it was true.  
…...

"Ok so this one or the the last one?" Eli asked Adam at the hotel room. He was trying on clothes to wear to the party

"Um that one."

"Wow and I am supposed to be the chick." Fiona teased Eli.  
"Shut up." Eli told her "I am just trying to look good

"So Clare will fall back in love with you and take you back?" Fiona said

"So what if that is the plan?" Eli said "I knew I still cared about her, but seeing her again made me realize how much I loved her. How much I need her in my life."

"Well come Ellie, lets get going then" Fiona joked. And Eli took a deep breathe. He had to get her back. He needed her back.

…...

Eli and Clare pretty much ignored each other the whole night. Eli wanted to talk to her but every time he did he got cold feet. Clare sat on the front steps. Eli noticed and followed her.

"I thought you could use some company."

"Sure." Clare looked down and Eli sat next to her. The smell of his musky cologne made her sad with memories.

"How have you been?" he asked

"Do you really care? I am not your precious Julia." Clare snapped

"Clare that isn't fair." Eli said wounded

"You know what isn't fair Eli? Being your second choice. Face it you were only with me because you couldn't be with Julia. I will always be your second choice."  
"That isn't true." Eli told her "I have been wanting to say something since I got here."

"Screw you Eli. I don't care what you have to say. I just wish I never met you." Clare said and she fought back tears "Please leave me. Let me let you go." Clare begged

"Fine." Eli could see how hurt she was and walked away. Clare sat on the steps and cried. Bonnie opened the door and saw Clare crying and she hugged her and let her cry.

Eli hated himself more than he did 6 months ago. Why did he think he deserved a second chance form Clare? He didn't deserve anything much less someone as great as her. Now he would have to spend the rest of his life without her.


End file.
